[Your Career Strategy] Discretion at work

A reader asks, “We spent so many hours in the workplace. We begin to believe our coworkers are our friends. How can we be open and friendly yet protect ourselves?” Good question. As my long-time readers know, I encourage everyone to err on the side of discretion. I’ve met few people who said, “I wish I’d shared more.” I’ve met many who say, “I wish I had said nothing.” (1) Assume everyone’s connected. In a new job or a new city, it’s easy to share our fears, worries and first impressions. But your next door neighbor may have hidden ties to your boss (or your landlord). Your coworker may be newly divorced from the newly hired management consultant. It happens. (2) Come across as positive. This one can be difficult. As a newcomer, you’ll inevitably find much to criticize in your new world. But everyone’s looking to you as the new ray of sunshine. Let them down at your peril. (3) Expect players to change roles. Your best confidante can become your new boss, new subordinate or fiercest competitor. A coworker can become a source of business referrals. When roles move the other way, from friendship to business, we usually lose the friendship and end up leaving the business. (4) Choose the language of discretion. Some of my favorite people like to use what we might call colorful language – the type of talk you’d hear on The Sopranos or SATC in HBO-land. But if I met them in a business setting, for the very first time, I’d be the opposite of impressed. And I recommend avoiding even a hint of prejudice or stereotyping. Ever. Even when joking. (5) Welcome to the Real World. Over twenty years ago, Mary Tyler Moore threw her perky winter hat into the air to open her television show. Since then many viewers wished for a cozy work setting that was one big family, like theirs. We forget the family was often dysfunctional. We forget the setting was a rundown company that was going nowhere. Anyway, Mary’s real life counterpart couldn’t afford the clothes. You may be one of the lucky few who felt very close to a boss or coworker, a few jobs ago, or maybe now. It happens. But most of the time, you’re always on-stage in your own real life drama. Rather than seek closeness with coworkers, I’ve found that successful achievers usually build a personal circle of confidantes, coaches, consultants, friends and family. They get strength off the job so they can appear strong on the job, even when they feel scared, weak and frustrated. I’m sure some of you will disagree with me. Share your ideas by replying to this ezine, leaving the subject line as is. Some good reading by other authors: http://www.cathygoodwin.com/topcareerbooks.html