New career development etiquette...or new road to disaster?

Penelope Trunk, best-selling author of The Brazen Careerist, offers 10 tips for the "new etiquette." You can read them here

She drew a great deal of controversy - over 900 comments, mostly negative.

Some of these tips, with my comments:

"Forget the exit interview."

She points out that an exit interview won't help you but probably creates ill will. I would add, "In some companies, HR will insist on an exit interview. Just go through the motions. Tell them you loved everything about your job but you just couldn't turn down X Company's wonderful offer."

If a lot of people start leaving and the company has trouble replacing them, then they may pay attention. But that's their problem, not yours.

She wrote, "If you have ideas for how to improve the company, offer to consult." I would add, "If they ask for extra help through the transition, charge market rates for consulting."

And she is absolutely right when she says, "Your old boss is now part of your new network." Build relationships.

"Don't ask for time off, just take it."

More controversial. Most people can't take off more than a few hours without getting authorization. But telling rather than asking can be seen as more "grown-up" in some environments.

Incidentally, Trunk adds that this move will offend "older" people. Older than what? I think you have to study your own culture, not guess your boss's reaction based on his or her age.

"Invite your CEO to be a friend on Facebook.

I would say, "Depends on your CEO."

"Do reconnaissance on your probable boss."

Nothing new here. Career consultants (and counselor and coaches) have been saying the same thing for at least 20 years. I agree completely.

"Don't try to improve a coworker."

Again, nothing new. I would add, "Don't try to improve anybody."

I make this point in several places. In fact, I would ignore all unsolicited advice, especially when someone says, "My intuition for you is..."
See my intuition book.

But as she adds, if your company has a tendency to keep and promote lots of jerks, time to move.


"Call people on the weekend for work."

Come on: it's a judgment call! If you're both working to finish a project, sure.

Most self-employed people work on weekends, but for many of us there's an unwritten rule. Don't bother people and don't feel bad if they don't return your email on weekends.

I would say, "Check your office culture. If you don't feel comfortable, leave."

"Be nice like your job depends on it."

Curious advice. She writes:

"The old days of office politics as a means of backstabbing are dead -- young people are bringing their team-player, I'm-competing-against-my-best-self mentality from their self-esteem-centric homes into the workplace, and there's nothing you can do except be nice back."

I say, "Be nice back but also watch your back. The nastiest back-stabbers know how to act like nice team players."

OK, what do you think? Post a comment. Click on the "0 comments" link. I am forced to moderate all comments due to the huge amount of spam comments we all get, but never fear: I want to hear from you!

Need a new midlife career? Think "Open Road"

Ezine subscriber Ellen Zucker (www.facesandfortunes.com) sent me this story about fifty-something career changers who left their cubicles for the open road:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19875409/site/newsweek/

"Becoming a truck driver? You must be kidding." I can just see my readers shaking their heads in disbelief.

Well, maybe not. A few years ago I interviewed a truck driver who left his fifth grade science classroom to drive big rigs. He loved it.

"Forget the stereotype," he said. "You'll find doctors, lawyers, college professors...all kinds of people. At a truck stop, I'm not the only one in a booth reading a book."

These days, he told me, trucks come with automatic transmission and they're not as hard to drive as they used to be. Truckers communicate by CB, but more likely they have cab phones, fax machines and computers, too.

"Who changes those big wheels?" I asked, shuddering. Mechanical I'm not.

"Oh, if you're truck breaks down, you just call in your location and they send a repair truck. Faster than the auto club!"

You can drive alone or with your partner. You can bring along your dogs and cats.

He recommended going with the big companies, like Schneider, not the smaller outfits. Talk to the recruiters and learn which driving schools they recommend. Hang out at truck stops and chat with the drivers.

Of course, you do have to be able to drive in all kinds of weather. You have to be a confident driver who charges up hills and flies down mountain roads.

Frankly, if I were a better driver, I wouldn't be sitting here. I'd be out there myself. Next lifetime.

Also see: http://gettrucking.com/

Moving Without A Job?

Q. For lifestyle reasons, I am moving 500 miles to a new town. How do I check out job options before moving?

A. You're wise to consider options before you pack. Too often I hear from clients *after* they've already moved.

(1)Identify a range of possible employers in your new city.

(2)Check each company's website for "positions available." Also go online and check local want ads.

(3) Find a position that appears to be at a level comparable to yours. Call HR and say, "I am considering an application for this position. Are you recruiting nationally or locally?"

If she says, "Locally," she'll usually follow up with a comment like, "We do not pay relocation." Go to Step 5.

If he says, "Nationally and we pay expenses," just say, "Thank you." Send a strong resume and cover letter. And keep reading.

(4) If your job is too senior or too specialized to be posted, you have to be more careful. Many companies recruit senior executives on a national or even international level. Some recruit all employees nationally and pay relocation expenses.

If your job level and your company fit this pattern, do not show up at the door and do not offer to pay your own moving expenses.

A long time ago, a wise mentor said, 'If they get you cheap, they treat you cheap."

(5)If you hold a written job offer - Congratulations!

If not, bring funds to cover expenses for up to 6 months - preferably 1 or 2 years.

When I lived in a small town in New Mexico, newcomers with graduate degrees were working as coffee shop baristas, store clerks, and house cleaners. Some (but not all) welcomed the transition to a new lifestyle.

(6) If companies hire for good jobs, but don't pay relocation:

(a)Definitely plan an advance visit and write to potential employers.

Be confident: "My family will be moving to Green City in September. I would like to meet you when I visit Green City in August, in order to discuss whether opportunities might exist for our mutual benefit. I will call you on July 20 to make an appointment."

(b)Definitely look for a temporary job. In fact, you might prefer a short-term position at first, so you can scout the city on a leisurely basis.

(7) Most important: Do not assume you will find a job because (a) you're moving to a big city, (b) the economy is booming and (c) you're amazingly talented. Do the research.

But if you do find yourself stranded, get help. Some clients hire me *before* moving so they maintain continuity. Others choose to work with a local consultant after they've arrived.

The Good News: Nearly every newcomer finds new adventures, surprises and sometimes a whole new life.

Just because it's in print...

I must admit: I get totally frustrated with misleading career advice in newspapers and magazines. Journalists are supposed to provide simple, upbeat reports. Career change can be complex. You usually get a positive outcome but you have to invest a lot of time and energy -- and sometimes money.

Recently someone sent me a link to a Readers Digest article:
http://www.rd.com/content/best-quick-cash/

The article describes several opportunities to earn money fast, using skills you already have. These opportunities include become a VA, selling on ebay, entertaining at parties, and mystery shopping.

All of these opportunities are real. But each requires a major commitment to marketing, unless you already have a network in place. One woman who enjoyed juggling was able to parlay her skill into a $100-an-hour party entertainment service - but to get beyond on occasional gig, she'll need a targeted plan.

Mystery shopping sounds easy and appealing. One Seattle woman, said the article, earns up to $200 a month plus goods and services. Well, this Seattle woman visited the website where, the article promised, we could 'sign up.' In fact, after going through several pages and clicks, you can search openings by region. Search -- not sign up! Quite a difference. And after trying a few categories, I got "nothing here."

No free lunch. And skip the articles. Go directly to your own research. And don't trust anyone who promises a road to easy riches.

Toddler kicked off plane...nobody's right

By now you've probably heard of the talkative todder: a 19-month old child gets ordered off a plane because he wouldn't stop saying, "Bye bye plane." Apparently he was looking at a plane through the window, awaiting takeoff. Most passengers were sympathetic (although one suggested the child's words were drowning out the flight attendant announcements).

Not being a parent, I can't comment on the mother's inability (or unwillingness) to quiet her child. I would expect she could get the child to hush. But after 11 hours in an airport, with no sleep, I suspect most people's parenting skills would be compromised.

While it's clear the flight attendant overreacted, I have to admit I sometimes empathize with her. In my years as a college professor, I began by genuinely enjoying my students. Most of the time they were wonderful.

But after years of listening to excuses and whining, I had a hard time being sympathetic. In one week, three students came up to say their grandmothers had died, so they needed more time on assignments. Another time a student told me she had just discovered her husband was gay. One at a time, each complaint holds a human interest story, deserving of feeling. Taken together, they begin to seem comical. I had to remind myself to act appropriately.

So I can see where this flight attendant had one too many. If I had been on the receiving end of her anger, I would want her fired (and she probably will be). But airlines, like so many employers, put their people under increasing stress. The crew has to enforce rules that seem nonsensical, even to them, just as I did in a university.

Everybody's schedule gets disrupted. The weather seems hot. It's hard to do everything right all the time.

In an ideal world, the airline would compensate the family. They would give the flight attendant some time off with pay and access to stress management training.

But in the real world, I would cite this story as an example of finger-pointing. As a society (and perhaps as humans) we tend to blame individuals, not situations. We underestimate the impact of environment on behavior, as Philip Zimbardo documented brilliantly in the Stanford Prison experiment.

Both the flight attendant and the mother could have behaved better...in different circumstances.

Weather and Careers

When I was writing my relocation book, I interviewed a psychologist to get the official mental health professional perspective. To my surprise, she talked about challenges newcomers face with (of all things) weather.

I've always had a hard time with bitter cold. Two years in Alaska and 5 years in Manitoba -- and I still won't drive in snow.

But this week I realized the power of the weather in a different way. Seattle enjoyed a mini heat wave...just a few days but I lost a couple nights sleep. That put everything back...and then I was stumbling around doing dumb things...and had to spend *more* time undoing them.

Yesterday I was waiting to cross a street when a well-dressed man asked, "Is the weather always like this?"

I felt like saying, "Go see Sleepless in Seattle. The state symbol is the raindrop."

But instead I mumbled something about how rare this weather was. That's why, I explained, so few places are air conditioned. My apartment building is one of the nicer ones in Lower Queen Anne. So we have washers and dryers but no a/c. For 362 days a year--no problem.

"I'm from Palm Springs," he said, shaking his head. California people still think they're superior to the rest of the West Coast.

Beware of Moving Scams

Ouch! the better Business Bureau gets over 10,000 complaints about moving companies.

Check out
http://www.movingscam.com

Don't give your movers a deposit by cash or credit card.
Your mover should have trucks with the name of the moving company in large letters on the side.
I recommend going directly to the big boys: Allied, United or Mayflower. You won't pay more, believe it or not. Often you'll pay a lot less. You'll get an 800 number to call if something goes wrong.

Sure, you can still have problems. But you'll most likely avoid the Move from Hell.

My book deals with the psychological aspects of moving - stress, hassle and more.
Check it out here.

Ouch: My boss is half my age...

ABC's Good Morning America ran a segment on the trials and tribulations of working for a younger boss. The segment featured a 54-year-old woman who just couldn't adapt to working for a 29-year-old boss.

"These days it's not about time served - it's about technological skills," was the message.

Author and Career Specialist Tory Johnson suggested "open communication." Identify your beliefs. Gen Y - workers born 1977-1991 - constitute the largest segment of the work force. These folks, says Johnson, believe authority comes from expertise and accomplishment - not time served.

"Older workers," Johnson says, believe in the value of "time." But younger workers argue, "If I am a stronger performer, I can leapfrog."

Frankly, I think the issue is more complex. There *is* something to be said for perspective. The challenge comes not just from "resentment," as the program suggested, but from a sense of feeling devalued. After investing so many years, we're hearing, "Who cares what you did?"

It's the corporate version of "So what have you done for me lately?"
which can be heard as, "Your life is meaningless."

And who wants to hear that message?