Take back your life

I've been reading a book called Practically Perfect in Every Way by Jennifer Niesslen. Niesslen spent 2 years testing how much she could change by reading self-help books and following online programs.

You can read more about the book and see my review
here at the amazon website.

What bothered me most were the parts of her life we got to see in between the self-help progress reports. Jennifer works at home as a freelance writer (giving her opportunities to experiment) while her husband Brandon works for an unnamed large pharmaceutical firm.

One day, Brandon's company refuses to close early for an ice storm. Brandon's colleague gets told, "If you leave early, you'll be charged a vacation day." So the colleague stays. Brandon carpools. He rode with the colleague. So he stays too, while Jennifer worries all afternoon.

These situations are tricky. But why didn't the colleague say, "OK, so I lose a vacation day?" Or, "I'll reimburse the company for my time. My life is worth more than a few hundred bucks."

I would not be surprised if the company conveniently forgot to deduct the vacation day to avoid negative PR. I would not even be surprised if someone sent a few anonymous tips to the local newspaper: "Bad company docks pay of workers who leave during ice storm..."

Even if you lose a day's pay, you send a message to the company. According to Niesslein, this company makes the "100 best companies to work for" lists. There's probably some pride at stake.

OK, I'm out of corporate life and always was a maverick. I would have walked. Once I was supposed to start a new job in January, following a long drive through upstate New York. I told the company point blank, "If there's a blizzard, I will be late." No blizzard, but nothing happened. I took this option for granted and I suspect my attitude was contagious.

Since then I've met people who battled blizzards and worse for their companies. I don't know who's right.

"You have to start somewhere..."

Yesterday I ran into someone I hadn't seen for awhile. Call her "Eileen" and I'll change the details.

Since I last saw her, Eileen had developed an interest in speaking. She had just heard a powerful motivational speaker. "This guy was so great," she said. "I want to be like him. So I'm going to get more involved in Toastmasters. Maybe I'll enter some contests."

I must have shown my surprise.

"Well, you have to start somewhere," Eileen shrugged.

I have a lot of respect for Toastmasters. But Eileen already has a lot of speaking experience. Will this venue really help her grow?

Eileen's answer haunted me because I see it as coming from scarcity and fear, not abundance and strength. We don't hear this phrase too often anymore. Now we hear purposeful people say, "My strategy is to move from here to there. Maybe I'll take a detour..."

Then I remembered. When I was in my twenties, an employment agency "counselor" tried to get me interested in a job that was clearly an underpaid dead end.

I was clueless about careers in those days. The Parachute book hadn't been written, career counselors gave preference tests and coaches were seen on the sidelines of basketball court, holding clipboards. And even I could see how bad that job was.

The agency woman shrugged. "Well, you have to start somewhere," she said.

True. We all start somewhere. But these day we are advised to pick a starting point that has a good chance of leading us to our desired destination.

Will Toastmasters help Eileen achieve her goals? I have no idea. But she should.

Three weeks till the job starts

You just won the job - congratulations! You gave notice and quit your old job. Or maybe you have been looking for a long time and you finally landed the Big One. Yaay!!!

But your new job doesn't start for another 3 weeks. What do you do?

First, be sure you have a written offer.

Don't be insulted by this suggestion. Many seasoned professionals assume, "Organizations are honorable. They will keep their word."

Usually that's true. But I personally know 2 professionals -- each with over 10 years experience -- who experienced huge losses when a future employer failed to follow up on a verbal offer.

If you don't have a written offer, you don't have a job yet. Keep looking!

Second, if you are still working at your current job, continue to turn in good work. Two cautions:

Do not offer to return after you've left. If your skills are still needed, your company will pay you -- or someone else -- as a consultant.

And do not disclose the details of your new job, no matter how strongly you're asked. Some employers actually say, "We need to know this for our recruiting."

You are not responsible for their recruiting or for helping them determine market value. Worst case, simply say, "I have a written contract that forbids this disclosure" or just turn and walk away.

Third, if you are not working, recognize you have a mini-sabbatical. Make a plan to use the time effectively. You may be able to anticipate knowledge requirements for the new job, so you can hit the ground running. Or you can plan activities that will be satisfying to you -- extra time for family, sports, reading, movies, and more. See my article on
planning a sabbatical.

And just as you don't offer to help your past employer after you've left, don't offer to help your future employer before you arrive. If they have pre-employment requests, they'll come forward.

From beginning to end of your job, communicate non-verbally, "I work for you when I am on the payroll." You'd never say those words aloud, but you need to send a signal.

What are your experiences? Add comments.

Can You Keep Friends In Your Career Game?

As an ardent fan of WNBA basketball, I already reserved seats for the playoffs. Our team, the Seattle Storm, faces off against the Phoenix Mercury on Friday.

Seattle's popular point guard, Sue Bird, is good friends with Phoenix's phenom, Diana Taurasi. Off the court, they were college teammates, roommates, and very close friends. Now they face each other in a heated competition.

Players of team sports, especially at elite levels, get used to mixing friendship with competition. Speaking in interviews, they admit they have trouble guarding an old friend...but they also anticipate her moves and do a better job.

I don't think we have any pro sports players on this list. But in a business context, you often find yourself playing with friends.

Or you're looking for a resource -- tax preparer, web designer, consultant -- and you're tempted to hire a friend ... or a friend's friend. But you want to win the career game. So...

(1) Set up written criteria for choosing employees, resources and partners.

You'll need this list when you're facing a new challenge, such as moving to a new city or starting a business. Everybody has a friend who's a real estate agent, accountant, lawn service and even moving company. They're great people but not necessarily a good fit professionally.

(2) Maintain your game face.

When you're with a company, a client or a networking group, you're "on." Anything you say may come back to haunt you. (Family business? Started a business with an old friend? That's another article!) Find a confidante who has no ties to your source of income. Sure, you may run up your phone bill or pay for a professional listener. But you'll protect your most important economic investment: your professional self.

(3) When a friend seems like the best choice, plan for the worst case scenario.

He didn't do a good job. Maybe she was just the wrong person for the role. How will you break up the relationship? Can you handle the emotional side as well as the financial and professional?"

Some people have a firm policy: "No mixing business and personal life." Others think of the workplace as a second family. Still others find they create deep bonds with a colleague who shared a personal experience, such as illness or caring for aging parents.

There are no right answers.

A few years ago, Lisa Lesie of the Los Angeles Sparks and Dawn Staley, then of the Charlotte Hornets, faced each other in the finals for the national championship. They were close friends who phoned every week. But, "No friends in a championship," Staley told a reporter bluntly. "No phone call this week."

As I recall, Los Angeles won the championship.

Now Lisa has taken a season off to enjoy her new husband and baby, while Dawn has become head coach at Temple University in Philadelphia.

And every so often we have to stop and remember: Which team are we on? And are we playing to win?

Reading the signals

I don't know about you, but my computer sometimes sends off misleading messages. "File not found" may mean "need to restart and free up more memory."

And companies also send off misleading signals. After awhile, I don't even notice the messages I'm getting...I automatically make the correction without reading the warning.

Companies do this too. I've found that savvy careerists don't even pay attention to the official messages. Today's Wall Street Journal pointed out one example: "HR is here to help you" really means, "HR is here to minimize the company's liability."

Another: "We welcome creativity. We love out of the box thinkers."

Or my favorite: "We really enjoy having you around. You're so different from everybody else."

First Day on a New Job (After 40)

Ah...first day of a new job! I'm enjoying the moment vicariously as two of my neighbors start new jobs. One started a job yesterday, a big promotion and raise that reflects her education and experience.

Another starts right after Labor Day, a new field following her return to school for a graduate degree.

I have to admit: I may never have another "first day" experience ever again. Between my comfort level with working at home and overt age preferences, I may never hear the words, "This is your new office" ever again.

(Does age discrimination exist? Does water flow downhill?)

Sometimes I feel sad because I enjoyed job hunting and the first day adventure. Back then I was considered "unstable" or worse because I changed jobs every 2 years or so. Now everybody changes jobs about as often as they change their hairstyle. My neighbor changed jobs after less than 2 years and the issue of longevity never arose.

So I'll wish them "Bon voyage!" and here's an article I wrote a few years ago about changing jobs (and maybe careers) after 40:
First Day on New Job

How to Climb vs How to Behave at the Summit

Good leaders are supposed to be compassionate, modest and always cordial. But, says Stanford University Professor Jeffrey Pfeffer, these qualities won't help you reach the top.

In a fascinating essay, published in his new book
What Were They Thinking, Pfeffer describes the skyrocket career of one Keith Ferazzi. Ferazzi didn't just do the work and wait to be recognized. He was a standout even as a junior consultant, where he immediately began developing client relationships.

Perhaps his most mind-bogging move came very early in his career. As a recent MBA, juggling offers from McKinsey and DeLoitte, Ferrazi told DeLoitte he wanted one unique perk: dinner with the president three times a year. They said yes.

Pfeffer's point is, "Don't be afraid of standing out and recognize the trade-offs." Everyone talks about being a good team player, but actually you're competing with your teammates to get promotions, raises and visibility.

Pfeffer ends the chapter with a great quote from Steve Spurrier, the football coach who left U of Florida to coach in the NFL: "Call me arrogant, cocky, crybaby, whiner or whatever names you like...At least they're not calling us losers anymore. If people like you too much, it's probably because they're beating you."

Successful job search means demonstrating success

"On paper, my experience doesn't look great. As a project manager, I organize vendors and keep costs down. But in fact everybody wants me to run their projects! Even customers ask for me. Now I'm ready to embark on a job search. How can I communicate my value to a future employer?"

Three ways:

(1) Get it in writing.

When someone gives you a compliment, ask for a testimonial.

If you're self-employed, other entrepreneurs will understand what you need and why. In a corporate setting, you may need to explain a little more.

Ask for letters on letterhead, acknowledging specific achievements. It's not enough to say "Greg works hard and he's nice."

(2) Show the numbers.

"We came in 40 percent below budget on the Sherman project."

Don't lie or fudge. If you're *that* good, you'll have real numbers.

(3) Create a context for comparison.

"I was the only sales rep (out of 40 in the department) to achieve dollar goals for three years in a row."

Encourage your references to make comparisons, too: "We work with over 100 vendors a year. Linda is the only rep who takes the time to learn our unique needs..."

But...

Are you working on projects where your success cannot be documented? If you're doing more than the minimum to stay employed (and that's a judgment call), stop.

Don't quit and don't do anything to jeopardize your current position. Instead, focus on how you can become more marketable, so you can get recognized (and rewarded!) for your work in and out of the organization.

Job search calls for a killer cover letter

Typically your cover letter should respond to an ad or job description point by point.

For example, the want ad says:
15 years of experience in marketing management
Demonstrated success in dealing with advertising agencies
Team player

You go down this list, point by point. Paragraph 1 refers to your 15 years in marketing management. Paragraphs 2 begins, "Success in dealing with advertising agencies" followed by bullet points of 2 or 3 success stories

Paragraph 3 says "As an experienced team player, I..."

But what if you are applying for a job that hasn't been created yet? Maybe you networked successfully and realized you have a rare opportunity

In that case, write your own want ad! Identify what the hiring managers want and set up your letter.

Depending on the situation, you could even say, "If you were writing an ad for this job, here's what it would look like."

But that's a judgment call -- could backfire as: "Wouldn't look like that at all - guess we don't need this person after all."

More in my Irreverent Job Search Guide.

Where's the Real Me?

When you've had a series of jobs in different fields (or using different skill sets), forget trying to find the one that's the Real You.

(1) Create a good story (or "spin" as journalists say.

Practice a cover story till that you can repeat in 5 minutes or less.

(2) Think of your career as an artful mosaic, not a patchwork quilt.

Recognize the underlying pattern. Sometimes an outsider (yes, a paid coach or consultant) will help you see underlying trends.

(3) Never apologize.

Hang out only with folks who see your variety as strength, not weakness.

New Move, Need Job: Talking Back to the WSJ

On Tuesday, July 31st, the Wall Street Journal ran an article:
Advice on Landing a Job After Moving to a New Area (p. B6):

The Question: "John" (or "Jane") recently moved from a high-cost to a low-cost area. He (or she) gets interviews but no offers. Interviewers say the newcomer lacks confidence and probably wouldn't be happy with a lower salary.

To answer this question, WSJ columnist Perri Capell interviewed some career consultants. They emphasized the usual strategies. Show you're eager to work for the company. Say you recognize salaries are lower here. Build networking contact.

But few consultants combine relocation and career expertise. When you combine a career and a move, you need to consider other factors. Moving to a small town raises all sorts of questions, even without the low-cost considerations.

(1) What is a low-cost area?

In my experience, you always have trade-offs. When I lived in Silver City, New Mexico, you could find lower-priced houses and rental units. But other costs were high. Residents had to travel to Albuquerque, Las Cruces, El Paso or Tucson for certain kinds of medical care. Traveling almost always required an extra night or two away from home.

And besides housing, costs were not especially low. We had no craigslist and no competitive services to drive down price.

After I moved to the big expensive city of Seattle, my health insurance and phone bill actually dropped, because I had more plans to choose from. Food costs were lower. Computer repair meant calling a local geek from craigslist - not sending the computer off and paying a big minimum charge. I no longer spent $200-$400 a month for a long weekend in a nearby big city. Many entertainment options were free or low costs. And, of course, I have more opportunities to earn serious money.

Often low-cost simply means you have fewer options and choices to spend the money you have. So you spend less.

(2) Why does your new area have a lower cost of living?

In the rust belt states, such as Michigan, the cost of living will be low because the region's industries have slowed down. Therefore, few companies will be around, let alone hiring. In small towns, a lower cost of living means you don't have big companies -- just mom and pop shops and a few big box retailers. Either way, you can expect more competition for fewer openings.

(3) Who are the region's main employers?

It's unlikely you'll find the same type of employers and even less likely you'll find the same employment culture. Your local employers have the attitude of "We will take whoever we can get," not, "We want the best." So you are competing against workers who may be less qualified but who will be genuinely happier with fewer benefits and lower salaries.

(4) Does your new region have a hidden agenda?

In a small town (or even a medium-sized city), employers often hire friends of friends. You may need years to crack the code, no matter how much networking you do. You may be mistrusted because you are single, married, childless, old, young, educated, foreign, male, female, appearing to be gay...who knows?

You may be getting lots of interviews because you're a good candidate -- or because everybody wants to meet the new kid on the block. So you may be getting called for interviews where you don't stand much chance of being hired anyway.

(3) Does your new region tend to have high turnover among newcomers?

Some employers have been burned. They see too many gung-ho newcomers get discouraged and leave because of the weather, the lack of access to a mall, the slower pace, or some other factor that made the region low-cost.

(4) What kind of pay cut are you taking?

Again, recognize that employers speak from experience. They've seen newcomers eager to work for lower salaries -- at first. They know the cost of living can be deceptive: you'll find yourself paying for travel and amenities from your former life. So they expect you to come, put in some time, and then walk.

(5) Do you fit the local culture?

According to linguist and best-selling author Deborah Tannen, speech patterns can be mis-interpreted as personality traits. New Yorkers (like me!) interrupt each other when speaking. To a southerner or midwesterner, we're rude. A southerner who waits to speak at a New York meeting might be viewed as shy.

So if you keep hearing, "You need confidence" (or "You come on too strong") you are probably a cultural misfit, especially if you've never experienced this feedback before.

I once knew a graduate student who grew up in the deep south. She spoke with a soft, honeyed accent and she looked like the stereotype southern belle. She even put "Magnolia Society" on her resume. Employers feared she wouldn't be tough enough so she had trouble on the job market.

Actually, this woman was tough as nails and, when she landed a good job, became a strong competitor who left her more aggressive colleagues in the dust.

Bottom Line: We can't answer this question until we know more about the specific situation and about you, too. Generic career advice can send you on expensive, time-consuming detours.

In general, I encourage my own clients to (a) consider starting their own businesses and (b) be prepared to work at a minimum wage, entry level job: barista in a coffee shop, retail store clerk, pet sitter...even house cleaner. And of course I encourage them to scout the scene beforehiring a moving company.

Check out my resources: I have a
book on moving
and a mini-book on
moving to a small town.

Free article Starting Over in New Mexico.

And of course I am happy to coach and consult if your challenge includes careers, relocation or both.
Learn more here.