Toddler kicked off plane...nobody's right

By now you've probably heard of the talkative todder: a 19-month old child gets ordered off a plane because he wouldn't stop saying, "Bye bye plane." Apparently he was looking at a plane through the window, awaiting takeoff. Most passengers were sympathetic (although one suggested the child's words were drowning out the flight attendant announcements).

Not being a parent, I can't comment on the mother's inability (or unwillingness) to quiet her child. I would expect she could get the child to hush. But after 11 hours in an airport, with no sleep, I suspect most people's parenting skills would be compromised.

While it's clear the flight attendant overreacted, I have to admit I sometimes empathize with her. In my years as a college professor, I began by genuinely enjoying my students. Most of the time they were wonderful.

But after years of listening to excuses and whining, I had a hard time being sympathetic. In one week, three students came up to say their grandmothers had died, so they needed more time on assignments. Another time a student told me she had just discovered her husband was gay. One at a time, each complaint holds a human interest story, deserving of feeling. Taken together, they begin to seem comical. I had to remind myself to act appropriately.

So I can see where this flight attendant had one too many. If I had been on the receiving end of her anger, I would want her fired (and she probably will be). But airlines, like so many employers, put their people under increasing stress. The crew has to enforce rules that seem nonsensical, even to them, just as I did in a university.

Everybody's schedule gets disrupted. The weather seems hot. It's hard to do everything right all the time.

In an ideal world, the airline would compensate the family. They would give the flight attendant some time off with pay and access to stress management training.

But in the real world, I would cite this story as an example of finger-pointing. As a society (and perhaps as humans) we tend to blame individuals, not situations. We underestimate the impact of environment on behavior, as Philip Zimbardo documented brilliantly in the Stanford Prison experiment.

Both the flight attendant and the mother could have behaved better...in different circumstances.

The Secret: Not a secret anymore...

I watched The Secret twice: first online (with several interruptions) following a recommendation by a marketing coach, then at a conference (where I fell asleep halfway through). My feelings about the Law of Attraction: I believe if you can crystallize a goal, your subconscious mind goes to work and you get drawn to new ways to achieve your goal. Many of my clients spend lots of consulting time discussing what's wrong with their careers (and sometimes their lives, but that's way beyond my scope). We make progress when we turn to projecting the future. Christina Merkley (www.shift-it-coaching.com) has a good combination of attraction marketing and common sense. When I talked to her, she agreed we could translate some concepts into down-to-earth terms. For instance, "vibrating" really is about "mood." And lots of research shows that mood influences all sorts of outcomes. Doctors who are in a good mood will approach clinical decision-making differently, according to research by Professor Alice Isen (of Cornell University last time I checked). But other research shows that defensive pessimism -- expecting the worst -- can be productive for many people. I've talked to clients who jumped in to new cities and houses with great optimism but with no Plan B. They counted on the income from a job to make the mortgage payments. Or they counted on keeping a job within easy commuting distance of their dream homes. Sometimes they can find ways to hold on to what they love. We can talk about starting businesses, e-businesses, telecommuting and more. These options work well for some clients. Jumping in with both feet is just fine, if you do research. Recently I saw an article about holding back from a goal of becoming a teacher for fear of "living on a teacher's salary." There's no easy answer. Some people feel liberated in their new world, so they stretch their new incomes to meet their needs, happily. Others feel like they've inadvertently entered a prison of their own making. They resent the lower income so much they can't enjoy the career. And some find the dream career has hidden traps they never expected. Being a teacher means you get to work with children...but you also can't leave your classroom to make a quick phone call. One third grade teacher told me she's evaluated on her bulletin boards as much as her teaching. And don't get me started on standardized tests. Got a dream? My rule of thumb is, "Jump into the research. Learn everything you can. But move slowly on commitment."