College for the kids?

A reader asked me to settle an argument with her spouse. "I want my kids to have the very best college education," she writes, "although we'll have to dip into savings and forget about building retirement funds. My husband disagrees. He says they'll do just fine at a state university." First, a big disclaimer: I am not an expert on family, children or marital conflict. But I feel very confident saying, "Your children will most likely not be deprived if they attend a state university. In fact, they may be better off, depending on who they are." (1) Top universities offer access to demanding academics. If you have a child who absolutely loves intellectual interactions, and who's confident of his or her abilities, then a top university may well be a good investment. (2) A surprising number of state universities have first-rate honors programs. And a less prestigious program can actually showcase a bright student, who stands out from the crowd. I once knew a scientist who attended University of Arizona as an undergraduate. Because he was so motivated, he was invited to work with scientists on campus, contributing to publications and research in a meaningful way. A mentor helped him get accepted at a prestigious graduate program, with scholarships, and he went on to a brilliant career at an even more prestigious university. (3) Students who value interactions and "just hanging out with my friends" may go on to great careers because they're building relationships. Any university will be fine. (4) Campus activities -- even fraternities and sororities -- can lead to lifelong networking access. (5) Some students thrive on an elite campus with lots of contact with professors. Others actually do better when they feel more anonymous -- less "on." Some enjoy same-sex colleges because they feel free to be themselves. Others feel stifled and confined, as though they've embarked on four years of Ladies Who Lunch. On the other hand, attending a small school often bonds the students into a big fraternity. Women from my own college tend to feel a bond when we encounter one another, even if we're strangers. (6) No degree guarantees success. I attended a very fine women's college. Some of my classmates went on to become famous writers, artists, lawyers, entertainers, judges and public figures. Martha Stewart graduated from my college (a few years before me and I never met her). Some alums taught grade school, became librarians, or chose to be full-time wives and mothers. Some declared bankruptcy and I read about a homeless alumna in our official magazine. And I once fell into conversation with a nice young man behind the counter of a New Mexico UPS store, brown shirt and all. Turns out he graduated from Harvard and spent the rest of his life working for low wages in bookstores. The UPS job was a seasonal detour to earn more money. (7) Few degrees guarantee failure. "Melvin" attended a small religious college in a small Southern town. Most people would never have heard about it. He majored in French. When he applied for graduate school in business, his GMAT scores were abysmal. So he ended up at a lower-tier graduate school. But he hooked up with a mentor, applied himself, discovered an aptitude for research and went to a career at a university that was highly respected in his field. His record, reputation and financial success greatly surpass many students with more prestigious academic backgrounds. If your heart is set on sending a child to a top school, you won't be deterred by these examples. But if your financial status calls for choosing between college for the kids and a retirement plan for the parents, I would suggest you set up some meetings with a financial planner. Your highly educated children may not feel that "four wonderful years" are worth the trade-off of bailing out the parents when they're fifty. NOTE: This topic is controversial. Feel free to add a comment, agreeing or disagreeing! I save all comments (except those from spammers).