Choosing a career coach or consultant

Q. I need a new career! My friend recommended a coach but how do I know whether she’s a good choice for me? Or maybe I need a counselor instead? A. Whew…great question! This one came from an acquaintance who wanted to work with me, but we had a conflict of interest. Here’s what I said. Before going further, clear the decks. Career change takes time and energy – rarely possible if you’re working 70-hour weeks or experiencing depression, anxiety, grief, recovery or similar stressors. Second, ignore labels. These days, the person most likely to help may hold a most unlikely title. Instead, ask these 5 questions. (1) What’s your advice-to-accountability ratio? John: “My clients know what to do. My role is to create a structure of permission and accountability.” Jeanne: “My clients get stuck because they don’t know what steps to take. As I give them information, they spring into action.” John is 100% accountability. Jeanne is 100% advice. Most resources will be somewhere in between. Decide what you need and choose accordingly. (2) Who’s your best client and who would not be a good client for you? Ideally you’ll fit the best client profile. More important, your consultant should answer this question readily with something like, “Highly motivated clients with at least 10 years experience in a business or profession.” And you should get a straightforward statement beginning, “I do not work with clients who…” Nobody likes whiners, blamers and complainers...but what else? (3) What factors will influence my success? Even with the best guidance, your success will be influenced by factors beyond everyone’s control. Experienced resources will say something like, “No guarantees. But you’ll move faster if you arrive at the crossroads with certain attitudes, experiences and skills….” And then you should get some specifics. Willingness to network and a set of connections will help a great deal. (4) Will you require tests and assessments? If so, how will you use the results to help me make a change? Some clients feel better if they can place themselves into a category, such as “introvert” or “enneagram 5.” But I’ve met dozens of career changers who felt they had wasted hundreds of dollars to discover “what I’m best suited to do.” Click here for my highly biased opinion. Identifying who you are and defining your ideal career – that’s the fun, easy part. Getting into action and actually making a change? Much more challenging. (5) How do you keep learning and growing yourself? The best resource people will attend conferences, take classes, hire mentors, read books and generally push themselves to stretch and grow, in their area of expertise. They’ll give talks, write articles and get interviewed. They’ve made changes to their services in the past 6 months...or even more recently. That’s why referrals offer limited help. Robin loves Coach X and “Jay” hates X. But you’re different from both. And X’s fees and approach will change by the time you make the call. Ultimately, most personal change researchers agree, success depends more on your own commitment to the process. Perhaps the best predictor of success is a firm belief that, “I’m going to move ahead, with or without a consultant.” Ironically, this attitude is most likely to assure you’ll get the best possible support for your own career change.

Bringing Work Home

Today's Wall Street Journal carried an article that gives new meaning to the notion of "taking work home." Seems cubicle-dwellers introduce workplace jargon into domestic life. You don't like the electric bill? "Push back." That means, "Argue." Need help? "Reach out." That means, "Talk." One spouse accused her husband of interrogating their ten-year-old, using the litigator mode that made their comfortable life possible. The topic involved an illicit delivery of chocolate milk outside the kitchen. I'm not so sure this trend is all bad. Reframing often brings new perspective. As for the lawyer, a systematic, businesslike interrogation might be kinder than what a lot of parents would do. Maybe I could introduce career coaching methods to my own little family. "Gracie, have you considered options for stress besides chewing my socks? I can suggest a few..." Bad idea.

Effortless change

Right around Labor Day I began attending classes at my local gym. We have some really good ones. "Maximum Sculpt" means weight lifting to music. "Nia" is a new form of dance-type exercise. Just recently I began noticing the effects. First I found myself thinking, "Class was easier than usual today." "And today too." "Oh...maybe it's not the class. Maybe it's me." And outside the gym, the effects were even more amazing. Walking up a steep hill (say, Spring from 3rd to 4th Avenues in Seattle) used to leave me breathless with aching ankles. So I gritted my teeth and...it wasn't so bad. Carrying 2 big boxes of kitty litter from the Safeway across the way...tough but do-able. That's what's nice about exercise. You just keep doing it and you see results as if by magic. I'm not sure career change or business growth works the same way. Sure action yields results -- if it's purposeful. When you exercise, purpose translates to form. With careers, too many of us get caught up in "do something...anything!" Much harder to distinguish purposeful action that delivers from what the late Lynn Grabhorn called "heigh-ho silvering."

Career advice: Law of attraction?

With all the buzz about Law of Attraction, it's easy to forget that we attract naturally when we behave a certain way. For example: My young neighbor was grinning from ear to ear. After a few months of solitude, he now found himself overwhelmed with offers to go out. He's dating a couple of great women and a beautiful woman just asked *him* out. What happened? Those who feel loved and cherished will attract friends and relationships. It's not unusual to hear, "I couldn't find a date (let alone a relationship) for ages. Now that I've connected I'm getting asked out all the time and of course I have to say no." I believe the principle works the same way with careers, jobs and just about everything. When you feel strong and secure in your career, you're most likely to ace the interview or get a call from a headhunter. Clients always seem to come from nowhere just when I'm in the middle of two or three big-ticket rush projects. Law of attraction? Maybe. But I studied philosophy many years ago and we learned about Occam's Razor. Look for the simplest, most parsimonious explanation. When you radiate confidence and happiness, all sorts of good things happen. Who cares if there's a unversal law at work? Click here for my irreverent job hunting guide.

Career strategy: Change of boss means change of job?

Last week I was chatting with a colleague about the topic of changing bosses. During my own career, I've had the experience of getting hired by "Jane" only to arrive and find "Julie" in charge. I wasn't alone. In her wonderful (but sadly out of print) book, Thursdays Till 9, advertising superstar Jane Trahey described her first copywriting job at Neiman-Marcus in Dallas. She too arrived to find a new boss in place and, as she writes, "I was all hers." Fortunately, the boss left after a year or so and Trahey soon took her first steps to running the show. So...what if your boss changes soon after you arrive? I say it depends on your personality and your fit within the organization. (1) Some people come equipped with easygoing personalities. Most people like them and they know it. Godzilla could be their next boss and they'd do just fine. (2) Managers try to hire employees who will fit in to their organization. But let's say "Jim" feels a spark when he talks to applicant "Harry." They're from the same city, fraternity or college. They both follow the Lakers. Or they just click. On some level, Jim realizes Harry's a misfit but hey, he's willing to take a risk. Maybe he knows he won't be around long and wants to leave the company a farewell gift -- someone who definitely can't be his successor. And six months or a year later Harry's working for George. George soon realizes Harry's a misfit and (consciously or unconsciously) decides Harry needs to go. George needs to look good in this job and can't afford any loose cannons, which misfits often turn out to be. So bottom line, it's a combination of personality and fitting in. If you're an edgy personality and/or a maverick, you have to be more cautious and stay more marketable than your more easy-going, easy-fit counterpart. Click here for my irreverent job hunting guide.

Career Strategy: Getting Interviewed to Get Ahead

Recently I volunteered to organize an ezine for one of my Seattle alumni groups. It’s not going to be a big deal (I don’t have time). But I’m the only group member who’s edited newsletters and I know how powerfully they can build loyalty and motivate membership. Immediately I ran into the biggest challenge of editing a newsletter. It’s not coming up with ideas. Not meeting deadlines. Not writing up the stories. Not even layout and design. No, the biggest challenge is getting ordinary members to say “yes” to an interview. When I edited a newsletter for my gym in New Mexico, I featured a “Member of the Month.” When I edited a 700-member professional newsletter, I created a monthly interview column. Now, because everyone’s into networking, I’d like to have a “Spotlight.” You’d be amazed how often I hear (from both men and women, so don’t go saying it’s a girl thing), “I’m not interesting enough.” Or, “I don’t have anything to say.” Or even, “I’m shy.” “No problem,” I say. “It’s my job to make you sound interesting. And I’m not Barbara Walters (or even Katie Couric). I ask easy questions. You can even suggest the topics.” But why not step into the spotlight? We’re playing a low-stakes game. Practice talking about yourself. You’ll be ready when your next employer demands an interview for the company newsletter. You’ll understand what you need to learn before a Real Reporter shows up. Occasionally your employer will demand that you get clearance for an interview – even a newsletter at the gym or alumni club. I’d go ahead and ask. Unauthorized media contacts can be hazardous to your career. But your employer may be delighted if you’re being interviewed by anybody, even a neighborhood newspaper. If your manager says, “No way,” ask if you can be interviewed without mentioning specifics. Unless you work for the CIA or Tony Soprano’s Family, or you’re posing for high-exposure photos, most employers won’t mind if you say, “I work for...” Then offer an interview-lite. Talk about your life accomplishments: education, community, military or Peace Corps service, travel, family and dogs. One never knows. Sometimes an old high school buddy will see your interview and call to get re-acquainted. Or someone will give access to a networking opportunity. If you work for yourself, you have no excuse to say no, unless you’re selling the benefits of being invisible. The whole world needs to know how wonderful you are. And I recommend that, starting today, you make a solemn vow to yourself. You will never, ever say, “My life is so boring – why would you talk to me?” You will never, ever make excuses (“You probably don’t want to hear this but...”) Writers are busy, whether they’re columnists for the New York Times or freelance newsletter editors. When they ask for an interview, they want to believe you’re brilliant, successful, interesting and well-spoken. Don’t tell them they’re wrong.. More tips in our teleclass: Click here for more info.

"Overcome discrimination?" You must be kidding...

A NY Times columnist -- someone I usually admire -- responded to a query about a 63-year-old man, recently laid off from his high-level job. The man's wife wrote something to the effect of, "He's sending out resumes and collecting rejections." The columnist urged the man to "overcome age discrimination" by demonstrating that he's active and up-to-date. I say, "Good luck." By definition, discrimination can't be overcome. It's not rational. It's not based on facts. And, quite bluntly, corporate executives have no reason to hire older workers. Often they make what appears to be a rational decision: Forty years of experience may simply not be worth tens of thousands of dollars above the entry-level or even mid-level. For anyone over 50, the only way to stay employed is to use your network, if you have one. Building a new network is do-able but takes time, energy and (if you're female) a heavy investment in make-up, salons and wardrobe consultants. Another way is to consider self-employment. I suspect many business license applications are made by what I call reluctant entrepreneurs -- those who would rather continue working for someone else, if they could find a job where they'd gain responsibility, challenge and (most of all) reward for recognition. Even the author of The Age Advantage had trouble finding true advantages to aging. Click here to see my review. But...overcome prejudice? Despite laws on the books, we still see instances of discrimination based on race, religion, sex and even weight. Age will always be a tougher challenge. I'd say turn your back on jobs and take charge of your own life. It's tough but not impossible.

Career Change: A Family Affair?

Q: “I’m really eager to move from my midwestern town to a major city on the East Coast. The problem is my elderly mother. She doesn’t want to move. I want to spend time with her but I really need to move or resign myself to fewer options later.” A. This one’s tough. As noted in last week’s ezine, I don’t feel qualified to advise on family dilemmas. I can advise and consult on how a move will likely affect a career and how to manage the career-plus-location challenge. And I can encourage clients to consider career outcomes they may not have anticipated. Here are five questions to consider as a starting point. (a) Does your choice feel like moving forward or like making a sacrifice? “Norman,” a successful clinical psychologist, enjoyed his life in a small Southeastern town. With his wife retired and the children off to college, he broached the idea of moving to a larger northeastern city while he was still young enough to enjoy professional recognition and growth. His wife refused. “I’m staying here with my friends and my lifestyle.” Norman insists he’s doing well. But in nearly every conversation with friends, he refers to what he has sacrificed to save his relationship. His current career and his social relationships have begun to fray around the edges. “Jane,” on the other hand, abandoned a successful research career to follow her husband across the country. She considered alternative careers and settled on junior college teaching. Although at first she wasn’t at home in the classroom (to put it mildly) she worked hard and eventually began to earn teaching awards. Her friends remain mystified but they agree she’s happy. (b) What will you do if the relationship changes after you move (or decide not move)? Recently I read about “Harriet” who bravely followed her husband to Japan, giving up her career and selling their New York apartment. Two weeks after she arrived in Japan, her husband announced he didn’t want to be married anymore. She was stranded, thousands of miles from home, with no Plan B. On the other hand, Tim and his partner moved to a small town, mainly for the partner’s artistic career. Tim, who had left a corporate executive position, reluctantly accepted a clerical job in a real estate agency. He decided to get a real estate license and turned out to have a real gift for the field – something he would never have suspected if he hadn’t taken the risk. And the partnership is more solid than ever. (c) Is your family more resilient than you realize? “Jim” and his family moved a thousand miles to be closer to his parents and grandchildren. Once moved, he discovered that everyone got along better if they saw each other less often. The grandchildren were entering their teen-aged “no grown-ups wanted” years. And his career had disappeared along the way. “Theresa,” a single parent, realized she had outgrown her lucrative position in the financial services industry. She returned to school at age 37, where she completed bachelors and masters degrees in theatre arts. Her teenager children supported her decision, although she warned them she wouldn’t be able to pay for their college educations. “My children learned that they can always go back to school,” she says. “I’m a role model for them.” At fifty she teaches in a theatre program and maintains a close relationship with her children. (d) Does someone in the family face a limited window of opportunity? In some fields, timing is everything. Military careers in the US often call for a stint in the Pentagon. Lawyers and academics need to move right after finishing professional school. Family members have windows outside the work world. I’ve met forty-year-olds who remain bitter over giving up places on high school athletic teams and cheering squads. A ballet dancer or musician can’t postpone lessons till ”later.” . (e) Does your family understand your career realities? “I’ve been looking for a career for six months and my family says it’s time I made a decision.” That’s a common challenge – and a career change typically takes up to three years. “If I can work long hours for the next two years, I’ll have lots of time and money for many years to come.” I don’t judge anyone’s decisions and I can’t speak about family dynamics or what’s “right.” But I urge everyone to consider career as well as family implications and to create a Plan B to deal with unexpected outcomes.

Should careers be compartmentalized?

Recent articles in the Wall Street Journal and New York Times will reassure you or scare you, depending on your own belief system. More and more employers are bringing faith-based beliefs (the PC term for "religion") into the workplace. So far, it seems, most are careful. They don't want to risk giving the appearance of prejudice. And the NY Times reports that employees of religious organizations cannot sue for rights they would have in secular organizations. So if you're dismissed because you're too old or too sick -- too bad. It's called the ministerial exception. Not a problem, warns the Times, except if you're diagnosed with cancer while you're covered by that organization's group policies. Good luck finding your own "affordable" insurance afterwards. I think the real problem is that in a society like ours, we need more compartmentalization, not less. We have an economic relationship with an employer. We offer skills and produce output. They pay us. We need to separate health care, religion and personal lives from the workplace. Bridges's book JobShift, published over ten years ago, had the right idea. Set up craft guilds where people can get group insurance, so they won't need to rely on the government or an employer. Once health care gets separated a lot of other stuff will go away...like employers who care if their workers smoke or gain weight. And while unfairly dismissed employees face economic, social and psychological hardship, getting fired shouldn't mean a choice between death and bankruptcy. Rick Jarow has pointed out that in this way we're not much different from medieval serfs who depended on the landowner's goodwill for survival. Otherwise I say, Stay marketable and independent. If you like your employer's beliefs -- faith-based or otherwise -- you'll be fine. If you feel uncomfortable, be able to walk away. Ironically, the tie-in of medical benefits makes it harder to be independent, forcing many employees to exist in what most resembles a love-starved marriage.

Ready, set go for your career change

Ready for a career change? Clients often call, eager to start, and then we discover some surprises. Whether the change is as small as taking on a new work assignment or as big as going back to school, here’s my own version of ready-set-go. Ready: Block off time in your calendar for “career exploration.” Once a client told me, “I can call you only on Sunday evening. I am completely booked the rest of the week. My job occupies me 24/7.” That was extreme. Career change takes time. You have to talk to live people – not just surf the Internet. Some will be available in the evenings and on weekends. But many will be available only during business hours. I recommend actually committing to certain hours to make sure you fit in your career change actions. Otherwise it’s too easy to back-burner them till “someday.” Get set: Write down the strengths of your current geographic location. When I was living in a small town in New Mexico, business development opportunities were quite limited. On the plus side, so were distractions. After moving to Seattle, I was surprised to find that even faraway clients were more willing to talk to me. A big-city address carried credibility. Or maybe I was just happier and more motivated. Sometimes your dream career will be located in another part of the city, country or even world. But I recommend starting with all the advantages of living and working where you are. Then use them as leverage if you decide to move. For example, your current location may allow you to save money or gain support from old friends. Go: Make a list of the important people in your life. Nearly everyone has a family and/or close friends who will be affected by career and relocation decisions. I recommend getting the family on board before investing a great deal of energy in a career change. You may experience short-term time and income pressures. You may be more stressed as you embark on a new venture (even if you are happy). Whenever family gets involved, I step out of the picture. I recommend consulting the experts: therapists, family counselors, and social workers. Not me. Your social support system changes too – more than most of us expect. Many midlife career changers have developed friendships based on shared professional interests. And let’s face it: when your friends are happily settled, they may not know how to support a friend-in-transition. They’re more at home talking about your marriage and kids. So consult your list. Next to each name write “wet blanket,” “cheerleader,” “encourager,” “poison dart,” “information resource,” or “mentor.” You may find some new categories of your own. Now it’s time for action. Poison darts and wet blankets should be removed from your address book and your cell phone contact list. Begin talking to mentors and information resources. As you explore, you should begin to feel energized. If not, change the labels on your list. The key is to get out there and take action...and not be drained by the nay-sayers and well-meaning (but misguided) advice-givers. And then it’s back to “rinse and repeat.” Review your time. Review your location. And keep talking to those people – more than you ever anticipated.